Help! Marriage Problem

by Donald Mills

If your marriage has been spiraling downward for a while, figuring out the problem can be akin to dealing with a house infested by termites. Even if you were able to put all those termites in front of you, it would be virtually impossible to identify which one was the original source of the problem. Extensive marriage problems can easily be triggered by an action, a comment, or even a look that uncover the differences in perspective. In some cases, that original trigger can be remembered by the offended spouse over decades.

Of course, it is in the course of a fight where emotional responses are most likely to take precedence over rational ones. Emotions tend to escalate as the couple comes closer to the threshold of divorce. And, unfortunately, most couples will not seek help until they're standing on that line, at which point it's usually too late. So here are a few things to absolutely avoid doing during the course of an argument if you're looking to salvage your marriage:


Make threats about divorce. If you have decided definitely to pursue divorce, the news should come at the point when you have come to a degree of peace about the decision, not in the midst of a heated argument.


Comparing your spouse unfavorably to others. If you want to drive a further wedge in your relationship, say something like "Why can't you be more like Mary next door? She doesn't look like she complains about every little thing." It is a sure way to breed resentment.


Tuning out. Even in the midst of a fight you will do yourself a favor by at least considering your spouses point of view. Closing your ears and jumping on every sentence with the rage of defensiveness leads to a never ending battle that nobody wins. At least if you can make the attempt to create an atmosphere of rationality you have taken a step towards being able to communicate with each other.


Telling them that you have them pegged. You dig yourself into a hole when you begin to make comments regarding how predictable you think they are, or when you try to sum up their entire personality as one negative trait.

In general, it's of great importance to pay close attention to how you use language in relating to your spouse. It's usually easier to snap and lay blame than to summon the presence of mind to calm down and speak rationally. But it's necessary, and by the way, who said marriage was easy?

If you're in a troubled marriage and see no end out but divorce, you can find help at SaveMyMarriageToday.com.

About the Author: Donald Mills has dealt with divorce in his own life, and is determined to make sure it doesn't happen again. Source of this article: www.goarticles.com