How Men Make Mistakes Buying
Gifts
by Carlos Xuma
I recently received a question
that bears discussion:
"What types of presents should be given at the beginning of a relationship that
the man hopes to be a serious, lasting love? (and what not to give!)"
Generally speaking, a man should not give ANY gifts for the first few two or
three dates. Most guys tend toward "buy her affections" behavior, where they try
to lock women into an implied commitment by buying gifts for her far too soon.
What this really does is scare women off.
Instead, a guy should save his money to demonstrate that he's FUN, and then show
her a good time. An example might be to get a few rolls of quarters and take her
to the arcade. Or buy her a really nice pastry that you can both savor together.
Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time
together, not to impress a woman. Hold off on the flowers and the candy until
you've built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will
be appreciated.
After three dates or so, the guy can then open up a little and maybe get her a
card or some flowers. But the idea here, again, is to keep it LOW KEY. It's
better to under-gift at this point so that he can show thoughtful caution rather
than hasty imprudence.
Remember: It's not the money you spend, but the message you send.
This reader also asked:
"What types of presents he should give to show its just a short-term, sexy
affair, a fling that will go no further? (and what not to give!)"
For a sexy affair, give sexy gifts! Small things like a coupon to fulfill her
fantasy, or take her to a lingerie store to buy a really hot nightie. How about
a couple of tickets to a steamy movie?
Do NOT give expensive gifts as they imply a level of commitment that neither
party may be willing to make. No jewelry or big-ticket items. Keep it tasteful,
not trashy.
"What types of presents to give to a girl as a sign that now the man is starting
to think more seriously about the relationship, and wants to show that he hopes
it will last?"
When it comes time for an anniversary or some kind of major event, such as
Valentine's Day, or a birthday, you're pretty much obligated to step up and
produce something memorable. I once gave a girl a naked Barbie doll with a
coupon in the box that said I'd buy her (and Barbie) some clothes, as long as I
got to help pick them out. That went over BIG with her.
Another possibility for a good "relationship" gift is something that links you
two together. No, not handcuffs, or matching T-shirts. I'm talking about
something that will keep reminding her of you when you're not around, such as a
nice pair of wine glasses from your trip to visit some vineyards, or make her a
CD with a bunch of your favorite songs. Get her a gift that does double-duty.
"What signs should a man look out for to know what present to give? How do you
interpret her signals?"
A man should show some insight and intelligence in his choice for a gift. He
should look at the woman's interests and get her something that stands out. If
she's into adventure sports, get her a day pass at a rock climbing gym. If she
likes music, get her a ticket to a concert. Take a few minutes to think it
through and you'll come up with dozens of good ideas.
The idea here is to be IRREGULAR with the timing, and understand the need for
some variation in the way you gift. It's less about the "what" than it is about
the "when" and "how." Small gifts every so often are much more effective than
the large ones. Save the large gifts for the big events.
He should also watch out for signals that indicate the woman is a little TOO
into getting gifts. If she drops any overt hints about wanting material
gratification, he should run to the nearest exit.
"Is there a time when you really shouldn't give a gift?"
Don't give gifts solely to smooth over an error on your part, such as insulting
her and expecting to get in her good graces again just by sending her candy. You
have to show her some genuine remorse with the gift so that it doesn't come
across as just an empty gesture.
Be wary of being the only one in the relationship buying gifts. She should buy
things for you occasionally, too - IF she's really into you. Demonstrate that
you can provide, but let her demonstrate she can nurture you back.
Another time you shouldn't buy her a gift is to prompt her for sexual favors in
return. It sets up a bad precedent for you, and it cheapens her.
The best rule for gifts is that they should always be given with NO expectation
of return. Give just for the pleasure of giving and you'll rarely go wrong.
Remember that when you've got your self-confidence established, you don't have
to worry as much about when and how to give gifts, because there won't be any
subtext of neediness on your part.
That just means that when you have the right Alpha Male vibe to you, a woman is
not going to misinterpret the meaning of your gift. She'll understand that it's
something she should cherish and not take for granted.
On the other hand, if you're giving to GET, you're going to have problems. Women
will not want to be with you because you're setting up an agenda, and that's the
most unattractive thing a woman can sense from you.
These are some of the pointers I cover in detail in my Secrets of the Alpha Man
program, available through my web site: http://www.alphaconfidence.com
- Carlos Xuma AlphaConfidence.com
About the Author:
Carlos Xuma
is a dating guru and attraction advisor. He's the author of The Dating Black
Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, Approach Women program, the Advanced Audio
Coaching Series (in its third year), and too many other articles to mention.
Carlos' conducts workshops and in-field training sessions, phone counseling, as
well as group seminars in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Source of article:
www.goarticles.com
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