How Long Does it Take to Get Over
Someone?
by Ms. HeartBeat
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke it off about 5 months ago. We were in love,
yet I know the relationship was not perfect. I broke it off with him for a lot
of reasons, but mainly because he had things in his life I could no longer take
on with my own. In this 5 months of being apart, I haven't known what to do. I
am really confused, and am having trouble getting over him. We have not even
spoken since the day I broke up with him, but I still see him frequently. I have
a new boyfriend of only a few weeks, whom I do really like but think I am partly
with him to get over my ex. This new boyfriend is so wonderful to me, and I
don't know why I am not having stronger feelings than I am-because he is
everything I have always said I wanted in a man. I don't know how to tell if I
am just not giving it enough time with getting over my ex, or if I can't get
over him because we really are supposed to be together. If you have any insight
on how I can tell, or what I should do, or how to get over him it would be
greatly appreciated.
Signed,
Looking Back
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
My rule of thumb in these matters is that it takes AT LEAST half as long as you
were with someone to get over him or her. AT LEAST. That means for a 2 year
relationship, you will be continually thinking about him, wondering if you made
a mistake, missing him, wanting to talk to him just to "see how he is doing"
blah blah for approximately 1 year. You haven't even passed the halfway mark yet
girlfriend, and have a long way to go.
Even though we know that we are with the wrong person, sometimes our confusion
about the whole thing causes us to focus too much on the past and the few good
times we had with our ex instead of on our calm and happy present and brilliant
full-of-possibilities future. You are not supposed to be with a knucklehead
honey, you are supposed to be applauding yourself for having the self-esteem and
courage to leave that mess behind!
Just think about it: if you got back together what would have changed? He would
still be the same foolish, idiotic, irresponsible, confused, whatever he was
person that he had become when you left! You really want to put yourself back
into hell just because you are "confused" a little bit?
Sometimes the Universe (or God, or Muhammad or whatever you believe in) brings
us the things we need just when we need them. It is up to us to have the
presence of mind and maturity to see the gifts bestowed upon us and to not waste
them. Looking behind us means we are not watching where we are going, and we
certainly cannot move forward with determination and speed when we are looking
at where we have already gone. Turn yourself around honey and look FORWARD. You
have stopped and are standing there facing the wrong direction, and will
essentially miss out on a great deal of life by worrying about WHAT HAS BEEN.
The past is already done. You cannot change it or undo it. There is at least one
solid reason you broke up with that guy - as you stated yourself, there were A
LOT of reasons! Focus on THOSE things and you will find your healing process
moves along a lot faster!
<hr>
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About the Author:Since
1997, Ms. HeartBeat (of www.askheartbeat.com) has supplied no-nonsense
dating/relationship advice to thousands of site visitors. Her goal is to provide
you with information which will encourage you to select more suitable romantic
partners. Ms. HeartBeat pens a weekly advice column and has written dozens of
articles such as "How to Know if He Is Interested Or Not" and "Right, Right for
Now, or Just Plain Wrong?"
Source of article:
www.goarticles.com
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